Last night I was rocking Liam like I do most nights before we put him to bed, but instead of rocking in his rocking chair in his room, I sat with him on the sofa across the living room from daddy who was studying intently for his upcoming semester exams. It was quiet with just a little noise from the rain outside beating against our windows. Liam has always been afraid of thunder when it storms so I sat reassuring him like I always do, “It’s only God talking to you Liam, Can you hear? Don’t be afraid, mommies got you.” After a little while with this routine Liam finally starts to drop his eye lids and I sit quietly just watching him. I had missed him so much from his first night staying at Gigi’s house the previous night that I was content just to watch him.
As his eyes started to droop, stuck between half open and half closed I turned to my husband---who always insists I put Liam in his bed around this time and let him fall asleep on his own instead of rocking him--- and said, “You know why I love to rock him to sleep?” Not waiting for him to answer I look down at Liam and say, “It’s because I love to watch when he gets to this state, half asleep half awake, when his eyes are almost closed but he is still watching you…because his eyes don’t shake at that moment. They are completely still….They are never still…. It’s like he is..” I am interrupted by my husband who is now staring over at us on the sofa, “like he is finally at peace…finally resting… like the world finally stops moving for him for just a few minutes to give him some peace,” he finishes….my thoughts exactly. I nod in agreement with him and we both sit just staring at our sweet lovie.
That night, like every night, I prayed God would give him more of those moments where the world is still and his eyes are at rest to take it all in, and each night I’ll keep watching to catch a glimpse of his peaceful moments…believing one day they will be more than just fleeting moments between asleep and awake.